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March 14, 2013  
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#ProdChat - Saying "No" - 1/30/13

@apinaud hosted #ProdChat to discuss the topic, "Saying 'No,'" which also happens to the topic of his new book, No ( http://goo.gl/bPhFI )!

Storified by Ray Sidney-Smith· Mon, Feb 04 2013 08:24:58

@apinaud hosted #ProdChat to discuss the topic, "Saying 'No,'" which also happens to the topic of his new book, No
If you need to learn to say "no," tonight's #prodchat is for you! Guest host: @apinaud. Join chat: http://ow.ly/hgK3ARay Sidney-Smith
Hello #prodchat friends!Augusto Pinaud
Welcome to #ProdChat, the weekly #productivity chat! Topic: “Learning to Say No.”Augusto Pinaud
Tonight topic is inspired on my new book "NO" http://bit.ly/No-en #ProdChat and I hope we can have some fun in the processAugusto Pinaud
Hi, #prodchat! How is everyone this evening?Kenna Griffin
First time in #prodchat - looks very interesting!LeAnna J. Carey
@thehealthmaven Welcome! I hope this is the first but not the last #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@profkrg Hi Kenna, how are you today? #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
Q1: MY NEW BOOK, NO, TALKS ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF NO’S WE HAVE IN LIFE. WHAT ARE SOME? #prodchat #productivityAugusto Pinaud
.@apinaud's new book, No, is available on Amazon and it's a quick read. Check it out! http://ow.ly/hgOMX #prodchat #productivityRay Sidney-Smith
@GTDbloke @michgunn @nmhouston Are you guys coming to #Prodchat tonight?Augusto Pinaud
hi #prodchat people!Natalie M. Houston
Let's start things off with introductions. Who are you? And, do you use to a specific #productivity system? #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
Hello there #prodchat I'm glad to be joining today :) Isabel Pinaud
@apinaud I'm fabulous. How are you? #prodchatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: Q1: MY NEW BOOK, NO, TALKS ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KINDS OF NO’S WE HAVE IN LIFE. WHAT ARE SOME? #prodchat #productivityKenna Griffin
@nmhouston Hi Natalie. How are you? #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
My name is Augusto Pinaud, I am the guest-host tonight of #ProdChat. I am a writer, a BestSeller Author, a productivist and a GTDerAugusto Pinaud
A1: I mention on the book 3 kinds. One you should avoid. One you should learn to use and One we need to learn to use#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A1.1: One you should avoid. The NO we tell to our kids and the people we love.#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A1.2: One you should learn to use. The NO we don't use and tell to others because we are afraid.#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A1.3: One you need to learn to use. The NO we need to tell to ourselves#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
dropping by for my first #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
RT @apinaud: A1: I mention on the book 3 kinds. One you should avoid. One you should learn to use and One we need to learn to use#ProdChatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: A1.1: One you should avoid. The NO we tell to our kids and the people we love.#ProdChatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: A1.2: One you should learn to use. The NO we don't use and tell to others because we are afraid.#ProdChatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: A1.3: One you need to learn to use. The NO we need to tell to ourselves#ProdChatKenna Griffin
@profkrg Having a writers dream. I can type the questions and be OK answering them... I can reply to my own internal voice ;) #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@IsaPinaud hello :) This is the designer of the cover of the book #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
Confession: I haven't read your book yet, but it seems like sometimes we need to tell our family no. #prodchatKenna Griffin
@JessaBahr Welcome! Introduce yourself! #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@apinaud so, you're talking to yourself and admiring your intelligence? ;) #prodchatKenna Griffin
hi #prodchat --I'm Natalie--an academic & a personal productivity coach who helps people move forward on their important projects.Natalie M. Houston
@profkrg We do. The problem is that we don't use the word NO appropriately, so we say NO when we should had say and viceversa #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
@apinaud I must buy your book! #ProdChatLeAnna J. Carey
@profkrg I am sorry to say, that it may be the other way around. But doing the best we can #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
I'm Jess | I help undergrads make the most of college through @UGSuccess RT @apinaud: @JessaBahr Welcome! Introduce yourself! #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@thehealthmaven It's available on Amazon, iBooks and more. http://bit.ly/No-en#ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
Hi #prodchat I'm Isabel designer of the cover of NO who also practices GTDIsabel Pinaud
@apinaud how did you get interested in the topic of "No"? #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Q2: HOW EASY IS IT TO SAY “NO” TO YOURSELF? #prodchat #productivityAugusto Pinaud
RT @apinaud: Q2: HOW EASY IS IT TO SAY “NO” TO YOURSELF? #prodchat #productivityKenna Griffin
@nmhouston I begin writing NO, looking for an answer on Why I use it so poorly. #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@nmhouston I discover that you can use something good with others that you don't do with yourself #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
A2: It's easier to say no to myself than other people. #prodchatKenna Griffin
A2. It's not easy at all for me, It's a struggle, but it had teach me so much#ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
A2: Way harder than one would think! I know my motivating factors and how to make something sound like a great decision #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
A2.1 I struggle identifying when to say NO and actually saying NO appropriately to myself. But I am getting better at it#prodchatAugusto Pinaud
A2.2 But think about this: How we expect to say NO appropriately to others if we can't do it with ourselves.#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A2 - I have been more intentional over the past few years to integrate work/life - getting better at saying no #prodchatLeAnna J. Carey
RT @thehealthmaven: A2 - I have been more intentional over the past few years to integrate work/life - getting better at saying no #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@thehealthmaven and I am sure, that it is a constant effort to kept yourself on that intention #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
A2 I believe in reinforcing positive behavior -- with self, with others, with animals, rather than punishing negative. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
A2 We think we are great at saying no to ourselves, but we subconsciously avoid it. #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
@JessaBahr what's #prodchat?Jonathan Levitt
Agree! RT @IsaPinaud: A2 We think we are great at saying no to ourselves, but we subconsciously avoid it. #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@nmhouston I agree When I say said NO, it's not with the goal of be negative, is use it well to be able be happy #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@JWLevitt #Prodchat is an hour of productivity on twitter. Every Wednesday from 8 to 9 EST. Come and join us #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@JWLevitt Today topic is saying NO. Based on my most recent book, called NO. http://bit.ly/No-en #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@jwlevitt #prodchat is a weekly chat about work/life #productivity -- tips, methods, approachesNatalie M. Houston
Q3: WHAT ARE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES PEOPLE SHOULD SAY “NO” MORE OFTEN? #prodchat #productivityAugusto Pinaud
@apinaud can you give an example of what you mean by "saying no to yourself"? #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Maybe I don't actually say no to myself. Maybe I just think I do? #prodchatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: Q3: WHAT ARE SOME CIRCUMSTANCES PEOPLE SHOULD SAY “NO” MORE OFTEN? #prodchat #productivityKenna Griffin
A3 - I will immediately say that volunteering for things that are too time consuming should be on the top of the list #prodchatLeAnna J. Carey
A3: I over commit, so I should say no more often to "opportunities." #prodchatKenna Griffin
A3. When was the last time you miss the event of a loved one because you say YES at work?#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A3: "No! I will not hit the snooze button 15 times" is a big one for me #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
A3.2 When was the last time you say YES to your kid, because you felt guilty?#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A3: When you can't remember why you do something. Doing something because you've always done it is not rational #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@profkrg The only way to figure that out is to pay really close attention to everything for a period of time #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
I wrote a post last week @ProfHacker for the over-committed: “Should You Say Yes or No?” http://chronicle.com/blogs/profhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Nope. @apinaud: A3. When was the last time you miss the event of a loved one because you say YES at work?#ProdChat”Kenna Griffin
@nmhouston As a parent, friend, I had said YES to things, because I felt guilty? I should had say NO.#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
Lies! @IsaPinaud: A3: "No! I will not hit the snooze button 15 times" is a big one for me #prodchat”Kenna Griffin
All the time. :( @apinaud: A3.2 When was the last time you say YES to your kid, because you felt guilty?#ProdChat”Kenna Griffin
A3.2 "I'm sorry. I cannot dedicate myself to a task so time consuming at this time." Hard to say right? #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
@profkrg you ROCK! sadly I know many people that fit that question. that had stay at work instead of doing the important thing#ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
@nmhouston I want to write for @profhacker! #prodchatKenna Griffin
Many people say yes to too many things because they don't have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
@nmhouston Saving it now so I can read it later :) Skimmed it and it looks very interesting #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
RT @JessaBahr: A3: When you can't remember why you do something. Doing something because you've always done it is not rational #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@apinaud well, my job is super flexible. #prodchatKenna Griffin
Very true RT Many people say yes to too many things because they don't have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
@profkrg I know people with flexible jobs that simply don't... So get credit when you deserve it #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@isapinaud is right -- it is good to practice saying No -- have a few scripts ready #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
RT @nmhouston: Many people say yes to too many things because they don't have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@nmhouston also for FEAR of what others may think of them #prodchat (conscious or not)Augusto Pinaud
Story of my life. MT @nmhouston Many people say yes to too many things because they don't understand their existing commitments #prodchatScott Weingart
I think a lot of folks would rather cancel on themselves than another person, but they hurt themselves in the end. #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
RT @nmhouston: I wrote a post last week @ProfHacker for the over-committed: “Should You Say Yes or No?” http://chronicle.com/blogs/profhacker/should-you-say-yes-or-no/45607 #prodchatScott Weingart
@apinaud well, then thank you! #prodchatKenna Griffin
Simplest way to say No is just to be polite and not give reasons. "I'm sorry, but I won't be able to attend." That's it. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
I think I say yes because I'm really interested in so many things. I then get stressed because I'm a perfectionist. #prodchatKenna Griffin
@scott_bot we all have been there, one time or another.It's something that we all need to learn #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
@JessaBahr Agree... They will cancel themselves, then the love ones. A lot of times NO is not used appropriately#prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@profkrg Story of my life: singing, painting, drawing, writing, reading, dancing, design.. so much to do so little time? #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
Q4: WHAT ARE SOME REALLY POORLY USED REASONS FOR “NO?” #prodchat #productivityAugusto Pinaud
@nmhouston but that is a muscle that if you have not exercise it is so hard to use (and therefore to say and do) #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
Yes, @jessabahr is right -- not keeping commitments to yourself can be so damaging #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
@profkrg I have more time when I'm not being a perfectionist :) #prodchatLeAnna J. Carey
RT @apinaud: @nmhouston but that is a muscle that if you have not exercise it is so hard to use (and therefore to say and do) #ProdchatMuscle Maximizer
@IsaPinaud exactly! Then I get stressed because I can't meet my own standards of perfection. #prodchatKenna Griffin
RT @apinaud: Q4: WHAT ARE SOME REALLY POORLY USED REASONS FOR “NO?” #prodchat #productivityKenna Griffin
@apinaud agreed. That's why scripts are helpful -- practice! and try it out in low-stakes situation first. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
@thehealthmaven I haven't mastered how not to be a perfectionist. #prodchatKenna Griffin
@profkrg You are in my head reading my thoughts tonight Kenna! #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
A4: Fear and uncertainty are terrible reasons for saying no. #prodchatKenna Griffin
A4. People is afraid of the image of NO, what if they think I am not capable? Indispensable? responsible? hard worker? #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A4.2 Even worst ones: I will eat the cake, skip the gym, have one more glass of wine, buy this last thing; no one will know#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
That is an excellent affirmation to remember RT @thehealthmaven: @profkrg I have more time when I'm not being a perfectionist :) #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Agree 100% RT @profkrg: A4: Fear and uncertainty are terrible reasons for saying no. #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
RT @thehealthmaven: @profkrg I have more time when I'm not being a perfectionist :) #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
One of the greatest lies we tell ourselves 'someday I'll have time' @profkrg I have more time when Im not being a perfectionist :) #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@IsaPinaud Am I doing it perfectly? ;) #prodchatKenna Griffin
I think people say yes because they don't want to disappoint the person making the request. #prodchatKenna Griffin
@profkrg and that is a perfect answer for Q4, even that doesn't make it appropriate to use that yes #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
Q5: IN THE BOOK, I SAY THE MAIN JOB OF THE BRAIN IS “PROTECTION.” WHY DO YOU THINK THAT’S IMPORTANT TO SAYING “NO?” #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
MT @scott_bot: A project is never done, it's simply stopped. People comfortable with stopping earlier accomplish more. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
A5. His main job is protect you, and it's that the reason will make you afraid. If you never say NO, you will never do anything#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A5.2 That's the reason it is terrifying as a Writer publish a book. Your brain will protect you for the unknown#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A5.3 In order to protect you, will try to kept you in to the known territory and far away from the unknown#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A5 Obviously if we are protecting ourselves we are not saying NO to ourselves in order to make us "happier". Completely wrong. #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
Thank you so much - I have a call in a few minutes - I completely enjoyed! #prodchatLeAnna J. Carey
A5 If you don't say 'no' to what you want/don't want you can't say 'yes' to what you need. #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@thehealthmaven Please come next week. Same ProdChannel, same ProdTime #ProdchatAugusto Pinaud
RT @JessaBahr: A5 If you don't say 'no' to what you want/don't want you can't say 'yes' to what you need. #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
.@coachoncall writes about having Absolute Yes and Absolute No lists as reminders #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
@JessaBahr and so many people do it wrong. #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
RT @nmhouston: .@coachoncall writes about having Absolute Yes and Absolute No lists as reminders #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
@nmhouston I am checking... love that #Prodchat @coachoncallAugusto Pinaud
@apinaud sorry I have to go, something just came up! #prodchatJess 'Babs' Bahr
An Absolute No list is a list of things you remind yourself to always say no to. Very useful. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Q6: HOW DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BUILD A HABIT OF SAYING “NO” POSITIVELY AND PRODUCTIVELY? #prodchat #productivityAugusto Pinaud
@JessaBahr I hope you can join us next week #prodchatThanks for participate tonight!Augusto Pinaud
RT @nmhouston: An Absolute No list is a list of things you remind yourself to always say no to. Very useful. #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
RT @apinaud: Q6: HOW DO YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN BUILD A HABIT OF SAYING “NO” POSITIVELY AND PRODUCTIVELY? #prodchat #productivityKenna Griffin
A6: Pause long enough to question the value of the request in relation to my goals. #prodchatKenna Griffin
You can practice saying No. And realize that it will feel awkward if you are used to saying Yes all the time. #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
@nmhouston sound similar to what I called the Do not do list maybe? I will read into that. I love those kind of reminders #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A6. Yes. I believe that learning to say NO to yourself you will be able to use it appropriately in the people you love and others#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
A6.2 You can't use something appropriately that you can't use on yourself#ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
RT @profkrg: A6: Pause long enough to question the value of the request in relation to my goals. #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
RT @nmhouston: You can practice saying No. And realize that it will feel awkward if you are used to saying Yes all the time. #prodchatAugusto Pinaud
A6 - Try to take your ego out of it. Remember that Yes - you CAN do something, even if you say no this time around. #prodchatMary Katharine
Also, recognize that some situations, or with some people, saying no will feel much harder. Start with an easier one at 1st #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
A6: By remembering practice makes perfect and that nobody's perfect. Therefore, don't be too hard on yourself if you fail at first #prodchatIsabel Pinaud
yes, @marykatharine is right -- remember there will be other opportunities later, you don't have to do everything right now #prodchatNatalie M. Houston
Thanks for join the fastest hour in twitterSee you all next week for another #prodchat!More info in the book: http://bit.ly/No-enAugusto Pinaud
Everyone, please give @apinaud a warm thanks for hosting #prodchat this evening! Personally, thank you, Augusto!Ray Sidney-Smith
thanks @apinaud for hosting #prodchat and telling us about your new book!Natalie M. Houston
Goodbye #prodchat Until next week!Isabel Pinaud
@apinaud Thank you for being a fabulous host! #prodchatKenna Griffin
Thanks to all #prodchat thanks @rsidneysmith for the opportunity #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
thanks @nmhouston @profkrg @IsaPinaud @JessaBahr @thehealthmaven for make this a fun #ProdChatAugusto Pinaud
RT @apinaud: thanks @nmhouston @profkrg @IsaPinaud @JessaBahr @thehealthmaven for make this a fun #ProdChatJess 'Babs' Bahr
@apinaud @nmhouston @profkrg @IsaPinaud @JessaBahr @thehealthmaven @marykatharine @rsidneysmith Sorry I missed tonight's #prodchatMichelle Gunn
RT @nmhouston: Many people say yes to too many things because they don't have a clear understanding of their existing commitments #prodchatRose Marie